The story

Hiya there :)! Thanks for visiting my blog and welcome! I’m Elis (pronounced Elise), a 17 year old girl that is trying to find her place in this crazy world. Here’s my story.

I guess you could say that my relationship with food was never quite the average one. I was fairly chubby as a child, for I did enjoy eating a lot! But I was never dare I say that f bomb; FAT! I just ate what I wanted, but yet I always felt some sort of guilt after doing so. I couldn’t help it. My mother is a fitness instructor, so I guess you could say that I always felt some sort of pressure to be “skinny”. Plus, my sister is basically what I think of when I think of the “perfect body”. From age 7 to about 14, yearly doctor checkups would say the same things; “She’s a little overweight, but nothing to worry about. Blah, blah, blah.” I would be bothered by it, and would try to eat “healthier”, which was never a hard thing, but even too much “healthy” foods add up!

Then, one day, something made me REALLY care. A couple of weeks before my freshman year of high school, as I was getting ready to go out to dinner with some of friends, I was contemplating on what to wear. NOTHING fit. I tried on some of my mothers clothes. Even some of her clothes didn’t fit! I, unfortunately, happened to look down at the white scale sitting on my parent’s bathroom floor. It was something I had always feared: those dreaded numbers. “Step on me!” It taunted.

So, I did. The red numbers stared back at me, burning my eyes. They became blurred as tears welled up in my eyes. 150 lbs. “I’m only 5’3″!” I thought to myself (which didn’t even make me THAT overweight at the time, which I obviously seized to realize!) Haunting and powerful thoughts filled my head,” You weigh more than your mom! She’s 5’7″ and has had 4 kids! You’re disgusting.”

These words played over and over again in my head. Like a broken record. I was determined to lose weight. And that I did. At first, I didn’t really care about numbers (calories, etc.) I just began to eat less and healthier, and started to exercise more. Then it became an obsession. I lost about 30 lbs in a 4 month period, due to excessively exercising and totally under eating. I felt so POWERFUL! However, by the beginning of that Summer I began to binge. This lasted pretty much all of Sophomore year, and I, not surprisingly gained most of the weight back. I hated to look at myself in the mirror. It was a struggle. Big jackets were my best friend, for I was terrified that people were going to point and laugh due to my weight gain. Ironically, looking back at pictures of myself then, I looked healthy! Funny how that works, huh?

Then came Junior Year. Wow, Junior year. I decided to lose weight again. And I knew what it took. The weight loss was gradual, but then I decided there was a way to speed it up; eating close to nothing. I literally limited myself to 20-40 calories a day. I went to another yearly check up, and the doc informed the that I was almost 5’4 now, and I was weighing 113 lbs. He told me not to lose anymore weight. Even though I had reached my “goal weight” and everyone was telling me that I looked great, it wasn’t enough. It was never enough. I continued to eat this little for about a month. My eating disorder was my best friend. She isolated me from my friends, my family, and especially from the person I missed most; myself. Some days, the only thing that would pass my lips was water. Finally, December 7th, 2009, I had a breakthrough. I was going up my stairs, getting ready for work and I felt as if my heart were going to stop. I laid down on the bathroom floor and soon came to a realization; living like this was going to eventually kill me. My heart felt like it was going to stop! I got down to 100 lbs! And was I even somewhat close to being happy? Helllz naww! Saying that I was miserable is an understatement would be an understatement in itself. 

It took every bit of willpower of me, but that night, I told my mom. I can honestly say it was the best decision I have ever made in my life. My mother is my savior, my best friend, my life. Through the help of my mother, father, sister, brothers, friends, yoga, fitness, food, and not to mention, a whole lot of you food bloggers out there, this is my recovery. Food still controls my life, and there’s no way I can say I’ve recovered (I still haven’t gained an ounce!)

However, I can honestly say that I’m making progress. I’m passionate about food and fitness. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE yoga (my mommy is a yoga instructor), jogging, spinning (mommy teaches that too!), and just being active. And I’m more than passionate about food and nutrition. I’m a vegetarian (vegan on some days), and couldn’t be more proud of it. So, join me as in my quest to find myself once again. And I am so willing to support anyone out there who needs a warming hand!


2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    kbwood said,

    WOW girl-me and you have like the SAME STORY!! i weighed more than my mom too, and i was exactly 113 lbs when the dr told me not to lose anymore, and i just couldnt stop adn then it got SO out of control. girl i am so glad you are on the right track! it is SO important to get to a healthy weight, the longer we stay unhealthy the more damage it does to our bodies forever. i have been at a healthy weight for the longest time ever now, and i am the happiest i have EVER been, girl it is soo worth it!

    • 2

      biteaday said,

      Yes I know. Telling my mom was seriously such a releif (it’s not like she didn’t already suspect it anyway), but I’m really glad I did. I still haven’t gained an ounce, like I said, and I’m still not sure why. And I hate to admit it, but I still am terrified of weight gain and OBSESSED with counting calories/etc. However, I feel that everyday, the “chains of anorexia” get looser and looser, and am pretty confident that one day, I’ll break free (: Thanks for the reply! I’m looking forward to going on your blog frequently.

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